


withering words

by wharien



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Drabble, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 02:59:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3794134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wharien/pseuds/wharien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I love you. I miss you. I need to remember you. Your words carry a weight much greater than any machine, but I’m willing to bear them, so long as I don’t forget you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	withering words

**Author's Note:**

> A things-you-said series, Shinji’s side. Prompts taken from the first six ones in here: http://xfactorera.tumblr.com/post/110395333021/send-me-a-ship-and-one-of-these-and-ill-write-a (with one tiny adjustment to one of them).

_**1\. things you said under the stars** _

Surrounding us was a dying world, crippled in the arrogant hands of humanity. Remnants of skyscrapers stood up from the surface in uneven, pointy shapes like thorns of a rose. Mother nature continued her elegant work as if she didn’t care, as if she already knew, as if she had predicted this. The chilly wind carried mixed scents of sea salt and decrepitation. Under the dim moonlight we paid little attention to the sounds of ocean waves caressing our bare feet. Instead, lying shoulder next to shoulder, we watched the stars.

You asked me what I had in mind that made me look so lost in thought. I told you the galaxy was mesmerizing. I think you might have smiled, but then again, you were always smiling.

You touched my hand and I shivered. You were so cold. I turned my head and was immediately met with your gaze – perhaps it was on me from the very start, but I dared not imagine such privilege. Upon your eyes I dwelled, wondering if they had always been so clear that I could see my reflection in them. You leaned in closer until our noses were almost against each other.

 _Yes, utterly mesmerizing._ You whispered; your voice warmed the wintry breeze.

* * *

_**2\. things you said through your teeth** _

I was always somebody’s disappointment. Cowardly, awkward, submissive, stupid,… those words were thrown at me so often I came to accept them as a part of my being.

You clicked your tongue as everyone poured their resentment on me and pulled me away. Your shoe heels clicked angrily on the metal-clad floor like you were ready to drill through the ground at any moment. I followed you with tripping steps, my hand still confined in your grasp. I called your name but you didn’t stop. I told you it was fine. Never once did you halt and look at me; you marched on, mumbling.

_People calling you a loser is not “fine.” You shouldn’t be used to being ridiculed by others so much. You’re a raw constellation, the most phenomenal one in my mind. You shine from your misery and gleam brilliantly despite your suffering. And I say it’s a shame that they fail to realize how strong you are._

* * *

_**3\. things you said at 1 am** _

You never slept when we spent the night together.

We shared chaste, slow kisses on the bed before you put your arm around me and took me into your embrace. Your scent invaded my senses like a drug that could strangle my consciousness in seconds. I rubbed my nose against your collar bone, muttering something about your never taking a nap as my speech lost its meaning bit by bit. You said you didn’t need to, you said I should rest, you said you’d protect me. I never questioned you about that, about from what you would protect me. The list would probably be too long to finish in one night. So I just clutched at your tank top and pulled you closer to me. I could feel your mouth curve into a smile as you pressed your lips on my forehead and I drifted off. In my diminishing awareness you seemed to have continued speaking.

_You deserve to live. I will make sure death never gets a hold of you._

* * *

_**4\. things you said over the phone** _

3:30am. I couldn’t sleep  
again.  
You’d still be awake and I wanted to call you, but I felt like I mustn’t  
bother you.  
I was causing you enough trouble during the day.

You probably knew I had your number on speed dial.

I paced back and forth in my room wondering if I should hit that green button.  
The experiment went wrong this morning, I couldn’t face anyone in the afternoon, and I hadn’t eaten anything for dinner.  
Yet you were so kind – rescuing me, comforting me, ordering food to my apartment, leaving me encouraging messages.  
Did I really  
deserve  
you?

My phone vibrated. I was surprised, but not too surprised, to see that it was you.  
You seemed to be always aware of when I needed you, and you’d come to me right away.  
I picked it up. The tenderness in your words filled me with  
happiness, a sort of simple but also stupid kind of contentment that could repaint my life in vibrant colors for no obvious reason.  
I was, indeed, unbelievably blessed to have met you.

 _I’m here._  
Thank you.  
_You’re not alone._  
Thank you.  
_I love you._  
I love you.

* * *

_**5\. things you didn’t say at all** _

_I love him. I love him so much that my bones are indented with the silhouette of his being, that I have wandered to all sorts of wonderlands but returned to him in the end, that the beautiful moon and stars have become inferior to his smiling face, that every music note I play is no longer melodious without his presence, that the world turns monochrome when he is out of sight, that the singing of the birds is incomparable with his heartfelt laugh, that only contact with his delicate skin can make me feel alive, that the center of my existence has been set on him. I love him._

* * *

_**6\. things you said too quietly** _

_Please take care of yourself._

I didn’t have a chance to bid you farewell.

Or to say I love you

for the last time.


End file.
